NOT LIKE YOU

You are getting mad at me because I keep going back and forth.  I keep changing my mind.  Sorry.  I know you think I am just – I don’t know, just changing my mind over and over for no reason.

But if I go to trial, I could go to jail and then get deported.  And if I plead guilty, I can still get deported.  And if I get deported, I’ll get killed.  You see?

You talk about how we already talked for 40 minutes and how we talked for half an hour before.  Okay.  We did.  But you’re telling me a lot – a whole lot – and I don’t know anything about this system.  I don’t get it.  Maybe I’m just stupid.

You want me to just decide and stick to it.  I get it.  But you need to understand something really important.  I am NOT like you!  I am not like you.  You have your brain intact.  You have schooling.  I was in a gang.  I got beaten.  I got beaten in the head.  I can’t think like you.

I have traumas – I was held and tortured.  I cannot tell you everything they did to me when I tried to leave the gang.   I’m not okay.  Getting hit in a head with a baseball bat is not the worst.  Not the worst.

You, Counsel, you go home and you can think and understand.  See?  You can think and decide things.  I am going to a tiny little tent under the freeway and I am going to think and think and think – but I cannot get anywhere.  I just go around and around.

You keep saying I have to decide.  But how can I decide?  All I know is I want to stay in the country.  I don’t want to go back.  As far as which way to handle the case, you’re the lawyer.  You tell me.