READY FOR CHANGE

“You can send me to prison, I get it.  But you may not get this, Judge.  Prison will be just like the streets.  I can get my drugs there.  I know, I’m sorry – you don’t wanna know this, but I have to say it.  You said I can talk, so I’m gonna talk. I can get my drugs in prison.  Believe me, I’ve been there.

“I’ve shot my liver.  I know this.  My fault – I’m not gonna blame anybody.  I’ve shot my liver.  Pretty soon I’m gonna need a transplant or I’m gonna die.  And of course I’m gonna be at the bottom of the list because I deserve to be.  I gotta stay sober for real.  No more relapses.  No more excuses.  I get it.  And I wanna stay sober.  I’m trying.  I really am.

“But here’s the deal.  I’m not scared of prison.  Really.  I’m not.  I get a roof.  I get my three square meals a day.  But I won’t get sober.  I’m facing four years.  I get it.  But in four years I’m gonna either be dead, or getting out of prison where I am today, with the same problem.

“I’m gonna be four years older, but still an addict.  If willpower could do it, Judge, I’d be sober today.  I’m not gonna get sober from willpower.  I’m an addict.  So please understand, I’m not afraid of prison.  It’s just that prison means no change, and I’m ready for change.  That’s why I’m asking you to keep me in treatment.

“It’s my only chance to be anybody.  It’s my only chance to help anybody.  It’s my only chance to make up for some of the sh- sorry, Judge, some of the crap I’ve pulled.  I know I’m gonna die, but I’d just like the chance to die a little bit happier, a little bit less guilty, than I feel today. I know, I’ve been a liar for so long I don’t even expect you to believe me.  But I am ready for change.”