WHAT YOU PRAY FOR

Be careful what you pray for.  That is the lesson.  Really think about what you need.  Don’t be greedy.  Don’t be thoughtless.

I admit it.  I was praying for a boy.  I was.  We have a girl, and  I feel so worried about her.  You cannot imagine, unless you have a tiny baby girl in your arms, how vulnerable she is.  Anybody could just grab her out of my arms and break her into pieces.  She is so helpless.  I walk around with my heart in my throat and half-choking, when I think about it.  How can I protect her?  So many things happen – so very many.  Especially to girls.  And I love her so much.

So I was thinking, and yeah, I know it’s stupid.  But I was thinking, if we have a boy, he will soon be bigger and taller than her.  Stronger than her.  They are only a year apart.  And I will teach him, as I told God, to protect her.  To watch out for her at school.  To make sure no one disrespects her.  It wasn’t because I am selfish and just wanted someone like me.  I wanted someone to help me – to help me protect my little girl.

Well, here we are in the ultrasound, right, and I have my hands in prayer, and I’m like, please God let me hear it is a boy, and it is a girl.  The tech shows us, see, it looks like a plum.  The – you know – the girl parts.  It looks like a plum.  And my wife is like, haha, you wanted a boy.  I told you it was a sin.  I told you not to pray for anything but a healthy baby.  That is all I ever prayed for.  You need to be humble, she told me.  Be glad we can have a strong and healthy girl again.

But then we go to meet with the doctor and the doctor is like, your baby has a cyst in the part of the brain that makes the spinal fluid.  And it might be okay and it might not be okay but it might mean that your baby is gonna have Down Syndrome.  That means she will never be independent, and she will need to be protected and cared for throughout her life.  And my wife looks at me like it’s my fault.  Why did I pray for a boy?  Why?

And I tried to tell my wife, I just wanted someone strong.  And she told me, guess what?  You are going to find out what I already know.  Girls and women are strong, you dumbass.  And your little princess is going to grow up into a queen, like me.  And she is going to be fierce  and protective, like me.  And guess what?  She is going to help me to take care of this vulnerable baby, her baby sister.

So you go pray for what you want, she told me.  Go pray for whatever you want and find out that mostly, the answer is gonna be no.  Because you don’t know what you need.  You don’t know what your kids need.  Stop asking God for special favors, and for the love of God, be careful what you pray for, she told me.  And she’s right.

My wife also tells me that if this baby has Down Syndrome, it is going to be a gift from God.  And if it turns out that she doesn’t, it is still going to be a gift from God.  And I already promised my wife I am going to train them in soccer, both of my girls, to whatever level they can play.  Because they’re my kids, and they’re my gifts.  I will take what I am given.  My wife is right.  I am kind of a dumbass.